The Year of Losing Weight, January 18, 2011

I am frightfully sorry that I have not kept up with my blog. I haven't lost much weight the last couple of months, due to the holidays and the fact that the most weight loss is during the first 6 months. I am down just 63 lbs. so far.

I have been going through the most horrific bout with depression since I last posted. Everything seems so hopeless (except the weight loss--the only thing positive I can think of). We have no money, my marriage is useless, I can't work, I'm losing touch with God and myself. I am not functioning in the world at all. The slightest stress and I fall apart. I cry all of the time over everything. I'm seeing a therapist every week and my psychiatrist every couple of weeks. Medication just isn't doing anything for me this time. I am planning to move to Iowa to be near my family, especially my grandchildren. Rylea and Joe are choosing to stay here. What they don't understand is that we are very near losing the house and everything else. We are going to have to file for bankruptcy no matter what choice I make about leaving. I can't even talk to Paul. When he hears enough, he just walks away. He can't be bothered with the business of everyday life. He goes to work and comes home and that's that. Everything else falls on my shoulders. With all of this worry, plus the stress at work, I just snapped. I don't want to go to the hospital, although that is what the psychiatrist suggests. I may have to. That is even more stress, because the problems will just sit here and mount and will be here ten-fold when I get back. I can't talk any more. I have to stop thinking about it all. See ya.

It's been a long time since I last wrote. The weight loss is slowing down. I got on the scale this morning and have lost 56 lbs. in less than 5 months. Not bad. The downside is that I throw up a lot. And the depression is back. I am struggling so bad. I just can't imagine why people actually want to live. What is so great about fighting through every day? Oh well. I imagine I'll be around to write another day...

The Year of Losing Weight, October 10, 2010

Well, I'm stuck again--at 43 lbs. down. Been here for a couple of weeks. I don't throw up nearly as much, but it still happens when I eat too fast. I try not to, but when I'm really hungry, it is difficult to remember to slow down and chew to applesauce consistancy. I had a Reuben today that came back up. I'm sorry, too, because that is my favorite sandwich. I'll try again in a couple of months, but they do have a high fat content. At least I can eat salad successfully. A lot of people have trouble with that.

The new weight after 11 weeks is 40 lbs. down. I think that is amazing! The surgery was the best thing I've ever done, although it still hurts to eat sometimes. Usually. I don't eat too much, but I think that I eat too fast when I get hungry. I am going to focus on slowing down this week and see if it is better.
At least eating isn't my focus in life anymore. It has always been too easy to soothe myself with food. Now I plan to soothe myself with yoga. I love yoga. I still have a difficult time to talk myself into going, but once I am there, I absolutely enjoy it! I love the way it makes me feel. I love stretching my body and working muscles that I haven't used in years. I must say, though, that my butt hurts! My feet hurt, too. I can't do some of the moves because it is just too hard on my feet. I'm working on it. Pamela is a work in progress (not just a piece of work!)

The Year of Losing Weight, September 11, 2010

O.k. The constipation is killing me. I took a laxative this morning, because I just couldn't stand it anymore. So. My new weight (after breakfast, 2 cups of coffee and half a glass of water--and a grandiose dump), is....TA DAA ..... 214.0. That's a total of 36 lbs. in 8 1/2 weeks. Holy moley!!!! I'm so jazzed right now I could bust. Maybe not so much any more....

I started a yoga class on Thursday of this week. I LOVE IT!!!!! It is such good exercise. You sweat but it is also extremely relaxing. They are going to have two classes a week. If I am not tutoring on those days, I am going to go both days, otherwise, I will just do one.

Oh well. Off to fix the toilet, go to Costco, and get my school work done. Busy weekend!!

The Year of Losing Weight, September 4, 2010

I haven't written in way too long. It is the beginning of the school year and there has just been no time, even if I had the energy to drag myself to the computer to write.

This morning I have officially lost 32 lbs. Wow! Going back to work seems to have revved up the weight loss. That is great news, since I was beginning to get discouraged with so many weeks without any appreciable losses. More good news...I wore a size 16 pair of capris yesterday to work and was able to breathe!!! I wore dresses the first four days, because I'm afraid that I'll lose my pants! Deseret Industries is going to get all of my pants, except the size 16s this weekend!

Thursday, I start my yoga class. I've been dying to try it. The WII fit is o.k., but it isn't like having a real teacher. Once I've learned some of the yoga, maybe that will work for practice at home. I am excited about being able to move again. Of course my left foot is still bothering me, and is much worse since school began. Third graders have a difficult time working without constant supervision, so there are few chances to get off of my foot during the day. I can't take anti-inflammatories, so I am going back to the doctor on Wednesday to see if there is anything I CAN take. The pain makes me oober grumpy! I am amazed at how much more energy I have. School still drains me, but I am catching up on the work involved. I don't think anyone in the building is on top of everything that has been assigned to us. We just plod along and do the best we can. It will never be good enough...

The Year of Losing Weight, August 21, 2010

No more weight loss to report. Rats. I know that I am not getting enough pure exercise. I am not sitting around eating bon bons or anything. I am always on the go, but I guess it doesn't help. Paul and I got in the pool this morning and I swam laps. I need to do that more often. It just hurts.

I have arthritis in my left foot and in my hands. That makes it difficult to walk and do a lot of swimming, however I do try. I don't know what is making the arthritis worse, whether I'm not getting proper nutrition, I'm getting older, or I'm not losing the weight. I'm really hoping that it gets better as I lose the weight. I have to start work again on Monday (officially, Wednesday--I've gone in unofficially for weeks). I'm concerned about being on my feet all day with the pain. I am not allowed to take anti-inflammatory medications because of the possible damage to my pouch. I'm guessing I'll have to see a dr. to see if there is any other way to manage it.

I can really see a difference with the 27 lb. weight loss that I have achieved so far. It is so encouraging. I'm doing better at eating solid food--I had half of a hamburger yesterday! It is still uncomfortable to eat. I think that it's because it is so nice to chew food and have it in my mouth that I eat too fast. When I eat too fast, I also have a tendency to eat larger bites and not get them chewed up well. That's when the frothing and vomiting happen. That is, thankfully, getting less frequent.

I apologize for not writing as often as I had planned. There is just nothing new to report three times a week. I may just write once a week from here on in so that progress shows. I also planned on posting pictures every week, however my photographer isn't complying with my wishes. Oh well. Se la Vie.