Today was the pre-op seminar. It was very much like the seminar Paul and I went to in January. Brian explained exactly what would happen during surgery from the time we walked into the hospital to the time we left. There were four of us in the session, three for the gastric bypass and one for the new "sleeve" surgery. I will be taken off of my insulin before I leave the hospital, and probably off of the metformin soon after. Hooray!!! After the discussion, the nutritionist came in and talked to us for awhile about how we will have to eat and what to have on hand. She, herself, had surgery almost three years ago. She looked great! If I remember right, she said that she had lost 160 pounds. Wow! Before I left, I purchased some "protein shots" and an electronic pocket scale to weigh my food properly. They told us that the cheap ones at Wal-mart are not accurate enough. This one is small enough that I can take it with me to restaurants or wherever I go eat and weigh my food. We were admonished to never "eyeball" the amount of food, because we would be wrong every time. I guess our eyes are bigger than our stomachs!
Right now, I am feeling a little apprehensive about the whole thing. I have seen several trim people in the office, but mostly people as big as I am or bigger. I have seen a couple that have admitted that they were a year or two out. They didn't look very successful, although I don't know where their journey began. I am afraid to become one of those people who have the procedure done, lose the weight, only to gain back that and more. At that point, where is the hope? Isn't this the most you can do to help yourself? Going through all of this and gaining this weight back someday is my biggest fear.
I look at this opportunity as resetting my eating habits. I must keep in mind that eating incorrectly is a habit that I cannot let myself fall back into. This is where my need to follow the rules to the letter will help me with my goal. BTW--my goal is 120 lbs. down.
I am reminding myself that I am strong enough to do this. Whether my family and friends rally around me and help me, or go on with their busy lives and leave me to do this alone, I am strong enough to do this. I want this so very much. I cannot stand to look at myself in pictures or in the mirror. I hurt from stem to stern from having to drag around this weight. I struggle with diabetes, foot problems, and the beginnings of leg problems. I am also depressed much of the time, because I look bad and I feel bad.
I will be having Ry take pictures of me before I have the surgery, and through the rest of the process to chart my progress on this blog. I have 4 days until surgery. I have to be at the hospital at 10 a.m. on Monday, July 5--6 days before my 54th birthday. Happy birthday to me!
June 30, 2010---255.6 lb. (I've said good-bye to A LOT of old friends this week!)
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You know I'm going to be here for you, Mama. For as long as I can. I'm going to be there for the first few days, as we talked about. I love you and support you, mommy!
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