The closer it gets to surgery, the more anxious I get. Everyone around me is very positive. Why don't I feel so positive? Maybe because I LOVE to eat. That must change drastically in the next couple of weeks. Sadly, the harder I try to diet, the more I eat. So, my reaction today was to make an amazing dessert that people bring to potlucks at work. It's called "The Bomb". At least I made it with sugar free pudding and light "Cool Whip". There's no getting around the sugar in the cake and the Heath Bars, though. Bad for a person who is trying to lose weight, and especially bad for a diabetic.
Once I have the surgery, they tell me, my body will no longer tolerate sugar. I will go into "dumping" mode. Doesn't sound so pleasant, and I have it on good authority from my brother that it's just as bad as it sounds. You either spend the next while in the bathroom hugging the toilet, or sitting on it. I haven't been too worried about it, because I have been avoiding sugar for the last 8 years since I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. I wasn't totally aware of the number of times a week I cheat on myself. Along with this blog, I am keeping a food journal. I did o.k. today, aside from "The Bomb".
I got on the scale this morning and it said I was down to 250.3 lbs. That's the lowest number I've seen on a scale since we moved to Vegas, 5 years ago, at least. If I remember right, I was that much when we moved to Reno in 2002.
I thought of another reason that my weight has ballooned. My dad died in 1997 after a 14 month fight with lung cancer. Father's day is tomorrow. I really miss him. After all of these years I still have a hard time wrapping my brain around the fact that the world didn't end when his life did. I cannot imagine him not being on this planet. 13 years later I still can't think of him without brimming over with tears. Here they are now. Happy Father's Day, dad. I know you're out there...
June 19, 2010 250.3 lbs.
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