Happy Birthday to me. Happy birthday to me...aww--you know the rest. It was NOT a happy birthday for me. Actually, it was a VERY crappy birthday. Hey, a new song! Crappy Birthday to me... I really do appreciate the people who remembered me today. It has been a rough week since the surgery and I have been alone ALOT. I had expectations that that would not be true on the one day of the year that is mine.
Needless to say on my way out the door to church, I lost it. No one in our household had remembered my birthday. It was a good thing that Rylea was driving to church today. I cried all the way to church and what to my wondering surprise---the theme today was "Love at home". I walked out, claiming that I was overtired and needed to lie down. There is no love in this home. Not, apparently, my vision of what love is. I know that it isn't all hearts and flowers. People fart. It is respecting each other, it is companionship, it is being interested in the same things, it is connecting. I've done my best to teach that here, and it is not good enough. None of my children can stand each other, and usually not Paul or me, either. Paul is Paul. He goes to work and comes home and after that, there is nothing. Except politics. That seems to be the only thing he can talk about. Of course his opinion is that too many people think with their emotions and that is what has gotten us in the state we are in as a country. Well, no emotions is just as bad, or worse. Love happens to be an emotion. Hmmm.
Anyway. I called my brother and he says that my losing it has to do with the surgery and shaking all the meds out of my system and brain. That may be why I am reacting or overreacting the way I am. He and Cathy went through this somewhat, too. Nevertheless, I am going to go to Iowa to think about everything. I need to get out of here. Hating Vegas is nothing new. I've been wanting to get back to Iowa this summer, because I missed going back there last summer. This not eating anything solid thing is hard. I need my mommy! I need someone to tell me it will be alright and that I don't have to take care of everything for a minute. I need to feel like someone loves me enough to pick up my slack for awhile. Maybe when I lose this weight I'll be able to do it all again, but not now.
Sorry no updated pictures today, but my photographer is avoiding me. Maybe tomorrow.
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