The Year of Losing Weight--June 30, 2010

Today was the pre-op seminar. It was very much like the seminar Paul and I went to in January. Brian explained exactly what would happen during surgery from the time we walked into the hospital to the time we left. There were four of us in the session, three for the gastric bypass and one for the new "sleeve" surgery. I will be taken off of my insulin before I leave the hospital, and probably off of the metformin soon after. Hooray!!! After the discussion, the nutritionist came in and talked to us for awhile about how we will have to eat and what to have on hand. She, herself, had surgery almost three years ago. She looked great! If I remember right, she said that she had lost 160 pounds. Wow! Before I left, I purchased some "protein shots" and an electronic pocket scale to weigh my food properly. They told us that the cheap ones at Wal-mart are not accurate enough. This one is small enough that I can take it with me to restaurants or wherever I go eat and weigh my food. We were admonished to never "eyeball" the amount of food, because we would be wrong every time. I guess our eyes are bigger than our stomachs!

Right now, I am feeling a little apprehensive about the whole thing. I have seen several trim people in the office, but mostly people as big as I am or bigger. I have seen a couple that have admitted that they were a year or two out. They didn't look very successful, although I don't know where their journey began. I am afraid to become one of those people who have the procedure done, lose the weight, only to gain back that and more. At that point, where is the hope? Isn't this the most you can do to help yourself? Going through all of this and gaining this weight back someday is my biggest fear.

I look at this opportunity as resetting my eating habits. I must keep in mind that eating incorrectly is a habit that I cannot let myself fall back into. This is where my need to follow the rules to the letter will help me with my goal. BTW--my goal is 120 lbs. down.

I am reminding myself that I am strong enough to do this. Whether my family and friends rally around me and help me, or go on with their busy lives and leave me to do this alone, I am strong enough to do this. I want this so very much. I cannot stand to look at myself in pictures or in the mirror. I hurt from stem to stern from having to drag around this weight. I struggle with diabetes, foot problems, and the beginnings of leg problems. I am also depressed much of the time, because I look bad and I feel bad.

I will be having Ry take pictures of me before I have the surgery, and through the rest of the process to chart my progress on this blog. I have 4 days until surgery. I have to be at the hospital at 10 a.m. on Monday, July 5--6 days before my 54th birthday. Happy birthday to me!

June 30, 2010---255.6 lb. (I've said good-bye to A LOT of old friends this week!)

The Year of Losing Weight

The closer it gets to surgery, the more anxious I get. Everyone around me is very positive. Why don't I feel so positive? Maybe because I LOVE to eat. That must change drastically in the next couple of weeks. Sadly, the harder I try to diet, the more I eat. So, my reaction today was to make an amazing dessert that people bring to potlucks at work. It's called "The Bomb". At least I made it with sugar free pudding and light "Cool Whip". There's no getting around the sugar in the cake and the Heath Bars, though. Bad for a person who is trying to lose weight, and especially bad for a diabetic.

Once I have the surgery, they tell me, my body will no longer tolerate sugar. I will go into "dumping" mode. Doesn't sound so pleasant, and I have it on good authority from my brother that it's just as bad as it sounds. You either spend the next while in the bathroom hugging the toilet, or sitting on it. I haven't been too worried about it, because I have been avoiding sugar for the last 8 years since I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. I wasn't totally aware of the number of times a week I cheat on myself. Along with this blog, I am keeping a food journal. I did o.k. today, aside from "The Bomb".

I got on the scale this morning and it said I was down to 250.3 lbs. That's the lowest number I've seen on a scale since we moved to Vegas, 5 years ago, at least. If I remember right, I was that much when we moved to Reno in 2002.

I thought of another reason that my weight has ballooned. My dad died in 1997 after a 14 month fight with lung cancer. Father's day is tomorrow. I really miss him. After all of these years I still have a hard time wrapping my brain around the fact that the world didn't end when his life did. I cannot imagine him not being on this planet. 13 years later I still can't think of him without brimming over with tears. Here they are now. Happy Father's Day, dad. I know you're out there...

June 19, 2010 250.3 lbs.

The Year of Losing Weight

Hello! I am a skinny person wrapped in about 125 pounds of fat. I've been dragging this weight around for about 14 years, now. There are several reasons that I have gained this weight, both within my control and not within my control. It started when I had a hysterectomy in June of 1996. I'd been struggling with a few pounds here and there since I was a teenager, but I was always a skinny kid and I wasn't bad until the surgery. I've been taking medications for years that also have a tendency toward putting weight on. I am Type 2 diabetic. I have to give myself two shots every night. And, of course, there is the stress eating. I eat when I am worried, upset or nervous. I also eat when I'm happy. You see, food is comfort to me. Unfortunately, comfort does not equal health. I will die early if I don't do something.

I am now facing gastric bypass surgery on July 5th and would like to write about it for anyone who is interested. It is a journey that I have been researching and preparing for, for about 6 years. I have watched my brother and my sister-in-law go through it. It is just that--a journey. I will have to journey through the rest of my life without the comfort that I have always gotten from food.

Today is June 17, 2010 and I weigh 254.8 lbs.