The Year of Losing Weight, July 29, 2010

I'm back from Iowa. Yippee. Maybe I'll be able to eat right, now that I won't be eating out every meal! Tonight we had a vegetable quiche. It was yummy. I was still hungry after I went swimming, so I made half a protein shake. I felt better after that.

I've lost 18 lbs. in 3 1/2 weeks, officially according to my digital scale. The weight loss is definitely slowing. I need to rev up my metabolism. I'll be swimming as close to everyday as I can. I don't have the energy for a whole hour yet, but I swam laps for over 30 minutes. I'd say that is a good start.

Rylea took my pictures again today, but has not yet put them into the computer. I'll add them as soon as I can. Everyone says that the weight loss so far is already noticeable. It's hard for me to see it. Except for my bras. They are way loose on me. Yea!!! The girls are to heavy to carry around anyway.

I'm very tired tonight. Short post.

Well, I'm just shy of the 3 week mark. I've lost 18 lbs. Wow. I never would have been able to imagine such weight loss! I will be leaving the clothes I wore here at my mother's house to be sold at the next garage sale. They have gotten sloppy big. That's o.k. It's a great excuse for getting a few new things. Not a lot, because at this rate, I'll be outshrinking even the next size by the time I go to work!

I have experienced the worst pain since my gall bladder attacks! I'm not sure if it was the dumping thing, or if something got stuck. All I know is that I was eating grilled tilapia with orange/teryaki glaze, glazed carrots and baked potato with butter and sour cream. I had measured out my fish, eaten 2 carrots and 3 small bites of potato. I had eaten only a few bites of the fish when I got hit with the pain just under my breastbone. It brought tears to my eyes and I had to leave the restaurant. I could feel my pouch contracting, probably trying to make me throw up. I didn't, but I would have if it would have helped! It lasted about 15 minutes. I'm very grateful for Cathy and John. I got hold of them and they told me what was happening. I am still sore from the ordeal yet today--my pouch is very tender. I don't know if it was the sugar in the glaze or if I didn't chew something well enough. I am being extra careful today.

I am really grateful also that this happened. It is a grim reminder that I need to be careful with what I eat and to chew my food better. I've done some cheating lately, and I pay for it. Fried foods are a definite no-no! Pizza was pretty bad. Lasagna wasn't good, but it wasn't as bad as the ordeal last night. Beans work really well, especially refried beans and cheese. Mashed potatoes are yummy, but there's no protein and next to water, that is the most important. I've been really good about getting at least 64 oz. of water every day. They say that helps the liver process food and get rid of fat. I'm all for anything that will help things along!

I will be home on Wednesday. I'll post pics then. We'll see how I do when I'm at home and don't have so many people helping me along...

Sorry I haven't posted for awhile. I am in Iowa visiting my family for a little bit and to recover from the surgery. I have lost a total of 13 pounds and have been holding since Sunday at that weight. I'm sure that it is my own fault. This third week has been killer. I'm so hungry and I can't really eat anything but soft foods. My mom eats every meal out, so that makes it double hard to find food to eat. I am supposed to be weighing my food, now, but I'm so hungry! I am at the point where I get 3 ounces of protein and one ounce of anything else. But it must be soft, like yogurt or cottage cheese, or tuna, chicken, or egg salad. I still can't eat a lot, but I could sure down more than four ounces of food!

I have to be so careful. I can't go through the surgery only to fail. That is what I fear most, but yet I am so hungry. Water helps, but not enough. I walked a couple of blocks today-twice-to get some excercise. I also helped my mom pick up sticks and branches out of her yard.

At least I'm not just shopping for exercise. I can tell that my clothes are getting big (especially my bra), but I don't want to buy many new clothes yet. I just can't resist going to Cato, however. Love that store!!!

The Year of Losing Weight, July 16, 2010

It's nice to be in Iowa with my family. I've really missed them and needed to see the rolling hills and grass and trees. I've slept really well.

As for the diet. It is not easy to stay on a thick liquid diet when we are going out to eat so much. I am ordering soups when I can. Last night I had an omelette with cheese and tomatoes. It was a 2 egg omelette and I could only eat half. I should have weighed out my 4 ounces, but I haven't broken out my scale yet. I did bring it. I ended up with a stomach ache that lasted the whole evening. It was 4 days too soon to eat the egg. I will learn. This whole thing is a process and I have to learn what I can and cannot do. I'll try the egg again in a few days. Refried beans work waaaay better.

I am in the second week and I feel hungry a lot of the time. I need something in my mouth, not in my stomach. My stomach isn't hungry, it's that nothing taste in my mouth that gets to me. That is where the flavored protein water comes in handy. I'm just not a plain water person. I cannot fail...I cannot fail....I cannot fail....

The Year of Losing Weight, July 13, 2010

I went to the doctor today and have officially lost 10 lbs. Not bad. Now if I can do that every week, I'll be where I want to be in only 11 more weeks (LOL). The nurse said that everything is looking great! I have to wait one more week to get in the pool, though. Bummer! I'll be able to start on soft foods then, too. That will help, although I have only had a couple of times when I got frustrated or even missed food. I'm truly not hungry. Drinking so much water is getting to me. I really don't like water, so I need to start flavoring it.

I am going to Iowa tomorrow. Even though the blow-up on my birthday was induced from the anesthesia, I still need my mommy. I am going to get away from Vegas as much as I can from now on. I may be stuck living here, but I don't have to stay here all the time!

I'll be in Iowa for 2 weeks, then it will be time to go back to work and set up my classroom. It's o.k. I'm starting to get back into thinking about work. That's the best part of teaching. We work our you-know-whats off for 39 weeks, then recoup for 10. We are not ever not teachers, however. Is that a double negative? If it is, it works, so oh well.

Next doctor's appointment is August 17th. I'll post when I can while I'm in Iowa. My mom doesn't own a computer.

The Year of Losing Weight, July 11, 2010

Happy Birthday to me. Happy birthday to me...aww--you know the rest. It was NOT a happy birthday for me. Actually, it was a VERY crappy birthday. Hey, a new song! Crappy Birthday to me... I really do appreciate the people who remembered me today. It has been a rough week since the surgery and I have been alone ALOT. I had expectations that that would not be true on the one day of the year that is mine.

Needless to say on my way out the door to church, I lost it. No one in our household had remembered my birthday. It was a good thing that Rylea was driving to church today. I cried all the way to church and what to my wondering surprise---the theme today was "Love at home". I walked out, claiming that I was overtired and needed to lie down. There is no love in this home. Not, apparently, my vision of what love is. I know that it isn't all hearts and flowers. People fart. It is respecting each other, it is companionship, it is being interested in the same things, it is connecting. I've done my best to teach that here, and it is not good enough. None of my children can stand each other, and usually not Paul or me, either. Paul is Paul. He goes to work and comes home and after that, there is nothing. Except politics. That seems to be the only thing he can talk about. Of course his opinion is that too many people think with their emotions and that is what has gotten us in the state we are in as a country. Well, no emotions is just as bad, or worse. Love happens to be an emotion. Hmmm.

Anyway. I called my brother and he says that my losing it has to do with the surgery and shaking all the meds out of my system and brain. That may be why I am reacting or overreacting the way I am. He and Cathy went through this somewhat, too. Nevertheless, I am going to go to Iowa to think about everything. I need to get out of here. Hating Vegas is nothing new. I've been wanting to get back to Iowa this summer, because I missed going back there last summer. This not eating anything solid thing is hard. I need my mommy! I need someone to tell me it will be alright and that I don't have to take care of everything for a minute. I need to feel like someone loves me enough to pick up my slack for awhile. Maybe when I lose this weight I'll be able to do it all again, but not now.

Sorry no updated pictures today, but my photographer is avoiding me. Maybe tomorrow.

The Year of Losing Weight, July 9, 2010

This is a photo of my belly 5 days after surgery. Pretty colors, huh? It is getting better every day and I am feeling pretty well today. Except for the emotional side of it. WHAT HAVE I DONE????

It is really sad that the high point of my day is to chew my multivitamin (which I'll have to do every day for the rest of my life). Chewing is such a pleasure after being on liquids and thick liquids since Sunday night. I am getting that it is all about the mouth feel. When we are babies, we long to have something in our mouths, so we turn to the most convenient source--a thumb--unless a pacifier is provided. It feels so comforting to have something in our mouths as much as possible. Water doesn't cut it.

The hard part so far is smelling good smells and knowing that they are off limits. I hide in my room a good bit of the time to escape watching people eat and smelling the good foods. Rylea cooked last night and I wanted to try it so bad so I could tell her she did a good job. I just wanted something to chew on so bad last night. I woke up hungry this morning and it was depressing to know that all I could have was yet another protein shake. I put some banana in it and put it in the blender. At lunch I took a can of minestrone soup and put it in the blender and had a V-8. That was soooo satisfying and hasn't seemed to irritate my stomach at all. I followed that with a protein drink after 30 minutes. I got my protein and my veggies! How I miss salads. I understand it will be a good long time before my stomach will tolerate those.

Oh, by the way, I am updating past posts with my "before" pictures. I will also have a new picture taken later for my 1 week out pic. I can't believe how disgusting I look!!! I have avoided looking at myself in a mirror, or having pictures taken of me for years. No wonder I hurt so much and my body is breaking down with the diabetes. I didn't really acknowledge how big I had gotten.

I am down 7 lb.s to 243 this morning. What a great start!

The Year of Losing Weight, July 6, 2010

Well. It's over. Surgery was yesterday and I'm home today. I'm very sore, but I'm o.k. I have six incisions about the width of a quarter with bruises around them the size of my fist. Using my boobs as the eyes, they are in the shape of a smiley face. I hope that wasn't tmi. I'm still on pain meds and a little loopy. It's difficult to type, because I keep missing the keys.

The experience wasn't too bad, except that I had the roommate from hell. She had the same surgery that I did. She bawled the whole night and kept throwing up. She didn't follow the program and wasn't out of bed and walking, or doing the breathing thingy. She tried to tell the nurse that the pain med they were giving her made her paralyzed. She needed morphine, so she said. She threw such a fit that they did a CAT scan on her. The dr. kept telling her that she shouldn't be in so much pain, that she should be crying. That just made it worse. Well, as we all predicted, the CAT scan came out clean. She settled down a little after that and her husband scolding her. I had to keep going to fetch the nurse all night--apparently she didn't know how to work the call button. Needless to say, I'm glad to be home.

They gave me a really stupid looking teddy bear. He is fashioned so that he works perfectly to hold against the belly when I have to cough. He has now become my best friend.

I got on the scale when I got home and weighed 252.6. That was a little depressing, since I haven't had a whole lot to eat since Sunday evening. I've had 1/4 cup of jello, apple juice, cream of chicken soup, pudding and some protein enriched chicken broth. I'm sure there will be results quickly. The best news is that I haven't had to take any insulin since Sunday night. I have to be diligent about doing my blood sugars to make sure that I don't need it anymore.

Well. Liquid Hydrocodone seems to hit quickly. I had better go lie down again. Pictures will come soon, I promise!

The Year of Losing Weight, July 5, 2010

The day is finally here. Surgery day. We have to be at the hospital at 10:00 a.m. -- three hours from now. All I have to do is shower with antibacterial soap, pack my c-pap machine, some underwear and a book or two. That's all I need for the hospital. I'm already thirsty--I'm always thirsty, thanks to the diabetes. Paul has a pot of coffee on and it smells really good this morning. My stomach is in knots, so I don't care that I can't eat anything.

This morning, I weigh less that I have when I've been on a scale in years. I'm right at 250 lbs. That's amazing, since I've been saying goodbye to so many of my old food friends. Last night for supper, we had cheesecake. That's all. Just cheesecake. Then we went to watch the fireworks at Aliante Station. They were really good this year, although the show was shorter than I remember. 15 minutes.

So, now I'm ready to go and have to kill some time. Wish me luck and let's get this party started!

The Year of Losing Weight, July 4, 2010

Well. The night before surgery. I have mixed feelings going into this. I know it is right and I need to do this. I am not worried about the surgery or the recovery. It is the withdrawls from eating that I fear most. For the next 2 days I can have nothing but clear liquids. For at least 2 weeks after that, only "thick liquids", which are the shakes and anything I could drink through a straw--only I cannot use a straw. A straw would add gas into my stomach and stretch it and make me uncomfortable.

Rylea took pictures of me to put on the blog, but she didn't load them onto the computer, so it will be a couple of days before I can attach them to this blog. Sorry. My plan is to post pictures every weekend, either on Saturday or Sunday so that we can all watch the changes.

The good news is that I am about to give myself my last shots. They will take me off of the insulin tomorrow and I won't have to deal with that anymore. Hooray.

Happy Independence Day to all. I'll write as soon as I can when I get home on Tuesday.