It's been a long time since I last wrote. The weight loss is slowing down. I got on the scale this morning and have lost 56 lbs. in less than 5 months. Not bad. The downside is that I throw up a lot. And the depression is back. I am struggling so bad. I just can't imagine why people actually want to live. What is so great about fighting through every day? Oh well. I imagine I'll be around to write another day...

The Year of Losing Weight, October 10, 2010

Well, I'm stuck again--at 43 lbs. down. Been here for a couple of weeks. I don't throw up nearly as much, but it still happens when I eat too fast. I try not to, but when I'm really hungry, it is difficult to remember to slow down and chew to applesauce consistancy. I had a Reuben today that came back up. I'm sorry, too, because that is my favorite sandwich. I'll try again in a couple of months, but they do have a high fat content. At least I can eat salad successfully. A lot of people have trouble with that.

The new weight after 11 weeks is 40 lbs. down. I think that is amazing! The surgery was the best thing I've ever done, although it still hurts to eat sometimes. Usually. I don't eat too much, but I think that I eat too fast when I get hungry. I am going to focus on slowing down this week and see if it is better.
At least eating isn't my focus in life anymore. It has always been too easy to soothe myself with food. Now I plan to soothe myself with yoga. I love yoga. I still have a difficult time to talk myself into going, but once I am there, I absolutely enjoy it! I love the way it makes me feel. I love stretching my body and working muscles that I haven't used in years. I must say, though, that my butt hurts! My feet hurt, too. I can't do some of the moves because it is just too hard on my feet. I'm working on it. Pamela is a work in progress (not just a piece of work!)

The Year of Losing Weight, September 11, 2010

O.k. The constipation is killing me. I took a laxative this morning, because I just couldn't stand it anymore. So. My new weight (after breakfast, 2 cups of coffee and half a glass of water--and a grandiose dump), is....TA DAA ..... 214.0. That's a total of 36 lbs. in 8 1/2 weeks. Holy moley!!!! I'm so jazzed right now I could bust. Maybe not so much any more....

I started a yoga class on Thursday of this week. I LOVE IT!!!!! It is such good exercise. You sweat but it is also extremely relaxing. They are going to have two classes a week. If I am not tutoring on those days, I am going to go both days, otherwise, I will just do one.

Oh well. Off to fix the toilet, go to Costco, and get my school work done. Busy weekend!!

The Year of Losing Weight, September 4, 2010

I haven't written in way too long. It is the beginning of the school year and there has just been no time, even if I had the energy to drag myself to the computer to write.

This morning I have officially lost 32 lbs. Wow! Going back to work seems to have revved up the weight loss. That is great news, since I was beginning to get discouraged with so many weeks without any appreciable losses. More good news...I wore a size 16 pair of capris yesterday to work and was able to breathe!!! I wore dresses the first four days, because I'm afraid that I'll lose my pants! Deseret Industries is going to get all of my pants, except the size 16s this weekend!

Thursday, I start my yoga class. I've been dying to try it. The WII fit is o.k., but it isn't like having a real teacher. Once I've learned some of the yoga, maybe that will work for practice at home. I am excited about being able to move again. Of course my left foot is still bothering me, and is much worse since school began. Third graders have a difficult time working without constant supervision, so there are few chances to get off of my foot during the day. I can't take anti-inflammatories, so I am going back to the doctor on Wednesday to see if there is anything I CAN take. The pain makes me oober grumpy! I am amazed at how much more energy I have. School still drains me, but I am catching up on the work involved. I don't think anyone in the building is on top of everything that has been assigned to us. We just plod along and do the best we can. It will never be good enough...

The Year of Losing Weight, August 21, 2010

No more weight loss to report. Rats. I know that I am not getting enough pure exercise. I am not sitting around eating bon bons or anything. I am always on the go, but I guess it doesn't help. Paul and I got in the pool this morning and I swam laps. I need to do that more often. It just hurts.

I have arthritis in my left foot and in my hands. That makes it difficult to walk and do a lot of swimming, however I do try. I don't know what is making the arthritis worse, whether I'm not getting proper nutrition, I'm getting older, or I'm not losing the weight. I'm really hoping that it gets better as I lose the weight. I have to start work again on Monday (officially, Wednesday--I've gone in unofficially for weeks). I'm concerned about being on my feet all day with the pain. I am not allowed to take anti-inflammatory medications because of the possible damage to my pouch. I'm guessing I'll have to see a dr. to see if there is any other way to manage it.

I can really see a difference with the 27 lb. weight loss that I have achieved so far. It is so encouraging. I'm doing better at eating solid food--I had half of a hamburger yesterday! It is still uncomfortable to eat. I think that it's because it is so nice to chew food and have it in my mouth that I eat too fast. When I eat too fast, I also have a tendency to eat larger bites and not get them chewed up well. That's when the frothing and vomiting happen. That is, thankfully, getting less frequent.

I apologize for not writing as often as I had planned. There is just nothing new to report three times a week. I may just write once a week from here on in so that progress shows. I also planned on posting pictures every week, however my photographer isn't complying with my wishes. Oh well. Se la Vie.

The Year of Losing Weight, August 17, 2010

Six week check up today! I have officially lost 27 lbs. and am doing "excellent". That sure made my day. I really needed to know that I'm losing the way I am supposed to. I am past that first plateau and am beginning to lose some weight again. Not as fast as at the beginning, but it is coming off. The only problem is that I am not eating enough "real" food. I am having too many shakes. It's just so much easier and I don't throw them up. She said that I am probably eating too fast or taking bites that are too big. I'm not eating too much to cause the vomiting. The rule is to cut my food into pieces the size of a pencil eraser and chew them to applesauce consistency. She said that I could continue with the shakes, but that eventually they wouldn't hold me from one meal to the next. They really don't--I just drink a lot of water.

It's just exciting to know that I am on the right track and doing what I am supposed to be doing. I heard a lady get chewed out today, because she was eating too much and not losing any weight. That is my biggest fear. To not lose the weight after going through the surgery. Heavenly Father saw fit to make the surgery easy for me and he sends me reminders every time I throw up. He is helping me through this. Prayers are always answered!! I will succeed! I am so thankful for John and Cathy and my friend Connie and their help. They are a wonderful support system. I owe them bigtime!

The Year of Losing Weight, August 14, 2010

Sorry I haven't kept up with the blog very well. I just don't have much to report. I've lost 26 lbs. I had hoped to lose more than that, but I'll take what I can get. Just so I don't gain it back. I do feel better and have somewhat more energy, but my feet and hands are still bothered by the arthritis. I'm not sure how much losing weight will affect that.

I start back to work in 11 days. I would expect that I will lose more weight when I am back full time. There is a lot of exercise involved with teaching. I also plan to have the bariatric shakes for lunch. That is the best way to get a lot of protein in me quickly. They tend to hold back any hunger, as well.

It is painful to eat even one too many bites when I eat. I am learning to gauge when I have had enough. There is a foamy mucus that builds up when I eat incorrectly, whether it is too much food, or something that doesn't agree with me. That is what I throw up. The vomiting isn't as bad as before, because it isn't bile and stomach acid. I just do it and get it over with. I weigh my food, then can't eat all of it. As long as I'm getting the nutrition that I need, it is fine with me. And I think it would be best not to throw up at work...

The Year of Losing Weight, August 10, 2010

I am in such a blue funk right now. I haven't lost any weight in two weeks, even though I don't eat poorly. O.k. I take that back. I had a sliver of cheesecake this evening, because I feel so bad. That is the wrong thing to do, for the wrong reasons. I've tried to do this the right way. Friday, I had Chinese food at Panda Express and threw up all the way home. I tried to eat just the chicken, but something didn't agree with me. Yesterday, I ate a slice of lunchmeat ham, a couple of pieces of imitation crabmeat and a spoonful of beans and threw up for over an hour. Lunch today was one chicken tender at Raising Canes and 5 french fries. Tonight I made a curried chicken and that stayed down just fine, even though it had jalepenos in it and was very spicy. So what is going on? Other than what I've written, I've had the protein shakes--mostly because I didn't want to throw up anymore. I don't throw up my medications. I'm very confused.

Another problem I am having is that my feet hurt, it's hot outside, and I am not walking every day. I have been in the pool about every other day, and I go shopping (walking in the store) a few times a week. I am not lazy. I have been in to work four times in the last week, which is also a lot of moving around. I doubt that I will ever be a regular at a gym, or exercise class, but I do what I can. It just isn't working. Frustration is paramount in my mind today. I feel like such a failure!!! I am going to call the surgeon's office tomorrow and see what I need to do. This isn't going the way I had planned. What have I done????

The Year of Losing Weight, August 5, 2010

Not much new to report. Broccoli doesn't work well. I had an hour of feeling like throwing up, but I don't. I am just miserable for awhile. I think that I'll just go back to the shakes. It is ever so much easier!

I have been in the pool several times this week. It feels good to move around. The arthritis in my foot still hurts, so I don't walk around like I should. My weight this morning was 227 lbs. I've hit a plateau this week. It is discouraging, but I know that more will come off. I have also been in to work a couple of times this week. That also gets me moving. This post seems a bit disjointed and doesn't flow as well as I'd like. That is how I am feeling today, anyway. Oh yes. I have cut my Metformin in half again and the blood sugar has been fine. No insulin, and on my way to no more pills! Yippeeee!

The Year of Losing Weight, August 2, 2010

I really have to be careful about how much I eat. I think I ate too much chicken tonight. Of course I didn't weigh it. I've spent the last hour feeling like I'm going to throw up. Yuck. I'm finally beginning to feel better. Another lesson learned--the hard way. Weigh the food and get over feeling hungry!!!

I am 28 days out and have lost 21 lbs. That isn't bad, but I know that I could have done better. I won't beat myself up over it, but I will try to focus better in the future on how I am supposed to eat. A lot of it is boredom, I think. I went to the school today with Paul and we got a lot done. I am paying for that, too, because I may have lifted too much. My stomach is a little sore. No popped staples or anything like that, just sore to the touch. Anyway, getting back to work will help with the boredom.

Another experience I am having since surgery is constipation. I only go about once a week. Afterwards is the best time to weigh myself! I have some Chia seeds from the surgeons office that I can sprinkle on my food that are supposed to help. I'll try that tomorrow. They turn into a gel when mixed with liquid. I'll let you know how they do...

The Year of Losing Weight, July 29, 2010

I'm back from Iowa. Yippee. Maybe I'll be able to eat right, now that I won't be eating out every meal! Tonight we had a vegetable quiche. It was yummy. I was still hungry after I went swimming, so I made half a protein shake. I felt better after that.

I've lost 18 lbs. in 3 1/2 weeks, officially according to my digital scale. The weight loss is definitely slowing. I need to rev up my metabolism. I'll be swimming as close to everyday as I can. I don't have the energy for a whole hour yet, but I swam laps for over 30 minutes. I'd say that is a good start.

Rylea took my pictures again today, but has not yet put them into the computer. I'll add them as soon as I can. Everyone says that the weight loss so far is already noticeable. It's hard for me to see it. Except for my bras. They are way loose on me. Yea!!! The girls are to heavy to carry around anyway.

I'm very tired tonight. Short post.

Well, I'm just shy of the 3 week mark. I've lost 18 lbs. Wow. I never would have been able to imagine such weight loss! I will be leaving the clothes I wore here at my mother's house to be sold at the next garage sale. They have gotten sloppy big. That's o.k. It's a great excuse for getting a few new things. Not a lot, because at this rate, I'll be outshrinking even the next size by the time I go to work!

I have experienced the worst pain since my gall bladder attacks! I'm not sure if it was the dumping thing, or if something got stuck. All I know is that I was eating grilled tilapia with orange/teryaki glaze, glazed carrots and baked potato with butter and sour cream. I had measured out my fish, eaten 2 carrots and 3 small bites of potato. I had eaten only a few bites of the fish when I got hit with the pain just under my breastbone. It brought tears to my eyes and I had to leave the restaurant. I could feel my pouch contracting, probably trying to make me throw up. I didn't, but I would have if it would have helped! It lasted about 15 minutes. I'm very grateful for Cathy and John. I got hold of them and they told me what was happening. I am still sore from the ordeal yet today--my pouch is very tender. I don't know if it was the sugar in the glaze or if I didn't chew something well enough. I am being extra careful today.

I am really grateful also that this happened. It is a grim reminder that I need to be careful with what I eat and to chew my food better. I've done some cheating lately, and I pay for it. Fried foods are a definite no-no! Pizza was pretty bad. Lasagna wasn't good, but it wasn't as bad as the ordeal last night. Beans work really well, especially refried beans and cheese. Mashed potatoes are yummy, but there's no protein and next to water, that is the most important. I've been really good about getting at least 64 oz. of water every day. They say that helps the liver process food and get rid of fat. I'm all for anything that will help things along!

I will be home on Wednesday. I'll post pics then. We'll see how I do when I'm at home and don't have so many people helping me along...

Sorry I haven't posted for awhile. I am in Iowa visiting my family for a little bit and to recover from the surgery. I have lost a total of 13 pounds and have been holding since Sunday at that weight. I'm sure that it is my own fault. This third week has been killer. I'm so hungry and I can't really eat anything but soft foods. My mom eats every meal out, so that makes it double hard to find food to eat. I am supposed to be weighing my food, now, but I'm so hungry! I am at the point where I get 3 ounces of protein and one ounce of anything else. But it must be soft, like yogurt or cottage cheese, or tuna, chicken, or egg salad. I still can't eat a lot, but I could sure down more than four ounces of food!

I have to be so careful. I can't go through the surgery only to fail. That is what I fear most, but yet I am so hungry. Water helps, but not enough. I walked a couple of blocks today-twice-to get some excercise. I also helped my mom pick up sticks and branches out of her yard.

At least I'm not just shopping for exercise. I can tell that my clothes are getting big (especially my bra), but I don't want to buy many new clothes yet. I just can't resist going to Cato, however. Love that store!!!

The Year of Losing Weight, July 16, 2010

It's nice to be in Iowa with my family. I've really missed them and needed to see the rolling hills and grass and trees. I've slept really well.

As for the diet. It is not easy to stay on a thick liquid diet when we are going out to eat so much. I am ordering soups when I can. Last night I had an omelette with cheese and tomatoes. It was a 2 egg omelette and I could only eat half. I should have weighed out my 4 ounces, but I haven't broken out my scale yet. I did bring it. I ended up with a stomach ache that lasted the whole evening. It was 4 days too soon to eat the egg. I will learn. This whole thing is a process and I have to learn what I can and cannot do. I'll try the egg again in a few days. Refried beans work waaaay better.

I am in the second week and I feel hungry a lot of the time. I need something in my mouth, not in my stomach. My stomach isn't hungry, it's that nothing taste in my mouth that gets to me. That is where the flavored protein water comes in handy. I'm just not a plain water person. I cannot fail...I cannot fail....I cannot fail....

The Year of Losing Weight, July 13, 2010

I went to the doctor today and have officially lost 10 lbs. Not bad. Now if I can do that every week, I'll be where I want to be in only 11 more weeks (LOL). The nurse said that everything is looking great! I have to wait one more week to get in the pool, though. Bummer! I'll be able to start on soft foods then, too. That will help, although I have only had a couple of times when I got frustrated or even missed food. I'm truly not hungry. Drinking so much water is getting to me. I really don't like water, so I need to start flavoring it.

I am going to Iowa tomorrow. Even though the blow-up on my birthday was induced from the anesthesia, I still need my mommy. I am going to get away from Vegas as much as I can from now on. I may be stuck living here, but I don't have to stay here all the time!

I'll be in Iowa for 2 weeks, then it will be time to go back to work and set up my classroom. It's o.k. I'm starting to get back into thinking about work. That's the best part of teaching. We work our you-know-whats off for 39 weeks, then recoup for 10. We are not ever not teachers, however. Is that a double negative? If it is, it works, so oh well.

Next doctor's appointment is August 17th. I'll post when I can while I'm in Iowa. My mom doesn't own a computer.

The Year of Losing Weight, July 11, 2010

Happy Birthday to me. Happy birthday to me...aww--you know the rest. It was NOT a happy birthday for me. Actually, it was a VERY crappy birthday. Hey, a new song! Crappy Birthday to me... I really do appreciate the people who remembered me today. It has been a rough week since the surgery and I have been alone ALOT. I had expectations that that would not be true on the one day of the year that is mine.

Needless to say on my way out the door to church, I lost it. No one in our household had remembered my birthday. It was a good thing that Rylea was driving to church today. I cried all the way to church and what to my wondering surprise---the theme today was "Love at home". I walked out, claiming that I was overtired and needed to lie down. There is no love in this home. Not, apparently, my vision of what love is. I know that it isn't all hearts and flowers. People fart. It is respecting each other, it is companionship, it is being interested in the same things, it is connecting. I've done my best to teach that here, and it is not good enough. None of my children can stand each other, and usually not Paul or me, either. Paul is Paul. He goes to work and comes home and after that, there is nothing. Except politics. That seems to be the only thing he can talk about. Of course his opinion is that too many people think with their emotions and that is what has gotten us in the state we are in as a country. Well, no emotions is just as bad, or worse. Love happens to be an emotion. Hmmm.

Anyway. I called my brother and he says that my losing it has to do with the surgery and shaking all the meds out of my system and brain. That may be why I am reacting or overreacting the way I am. He and Cathy went through this somewhat, too. Nevertheless, I am going to go to Iowa to think about everything. I need to get out of here. Hating Vegas is nothing new. I've been wanting to get back to Iowa this summer, because I missed going back there last summer. This not eating anything solid thing is hard. I need my mommy! I need someone to tell me it will be alright and that I don't have to take care of everything for a minute. I need to feel like someone loves me enough to pick up my slack for awhile. Maybe when I lose this weight I'll be able to do it all again, but not now.

Sorry no updated pictures today, but my photographer is avoiding me. Maybe tomorrow.

The Year of Losing Weight, July 9, 2010

This is a photo of my belly 5 days after surgery. Pretty colors, huh? It is getting better every day and I am feeling pretty well today. Except for the emotional side of it. WHAT HAVE I DONE????

It is really sad that the high point of my day is to chew my multivitamin (which I'll have to do every day for the rest of my life). Chewing is such a pleasure after being on liquids and thick liquids since Sunday night. I am getting that it is all about the mouth feel. When we are babies, we long to have something in our mouths, so we turn to the most convenient source--a thumb--unless a pacifier is provided. It feels so comforting to have something in our mouths as much as possible. Water doesn't cut it.

The hard part so far is smelling good smells and knowing that they are off limits. I hide in my room a good bit of the time to escape watching people eat and smelling the good foods. Rylea cooked last night and I wanted to try it so bad so I could tell her she did a good job. I just wanted something to chew on so bad last night. I woke up hungry this morning and it was depressing to know that all I could have was yet another protein shake. I put some banana in it and put it in the blender. At lunch I took a can of minestrone soup and put it in the blender and had a V-8. That was soooo satisfying and hasn't seemed to irritate my stomach at all. I followed that with a protein drink after 30 minutes. I got my protein and my veggies! How I miss salads. I understand it will be a good long time before my stomach will tolerate those.

Oh, by the way, I am updating past posts with my "before" pictures. I will also have a new picture taken later for my 1 week out pic. I can't believe how disgusting I look!!! I have avoided looking at myself in a mirror, or having pictures taken of me for years. No wonder I hurt so much and my body is breaking down with the diabetes. I didn't really acknowledge how big I had gotten.

I am down 7 lb.s to 243 this morning. What a great start!

The Year of Losing Weight, July 6, 2010

Well. It's over. Surgery was yesterday and I'm home today. I'm very sore, but I'm o.k. I have six incisions about the width of a quarter with bruises around them the size of my fist. Using my boobs as the eyes, they are in the shape of a smiley face. I hope that wasn't tmi. I'm still on pain meds and a little loopy. It's difficult to type, because I keep missing the keys.

The experience wasn't too bad, except that I had the roommate from hell. She had the same surgery that I did. She bawled the whole night and kept throwing up. She didn't follow the program and wasn't out of bed and walking, or doing the breathing thingy. She tried to tell the nurse that the pain med they were giving her made her paralyzed. She needed morphine, so she said. She threw such a fit that they did a CAT scan on her. The dr. kept telling her that she shouldn't be in so much pain, that she should be crying. That just made it worse. Well, as we all predicted, the CAT scan came out clean. She settled down a little after that and her husband scolding her. I had to keep going to fetch the nurse all night--apparently she didn't know how to work the call button. Needless to say, I'm glad to be home.

They gave me a really stupid looking teddy bear. He is fashioned so that he works perfectly to hold against the belly when I have to cough. He has now become my best friend.

I got on the scale when I got home and weighed 252.6. That was a little depressing, since I haven't had a whole lot to eat since Sunday evening. I've had 1/4 cup of jello, apple juice, cream of chicken soup, pudding and some protein enriched chicken broth. I'm sure there will be results quickly. The best news is that I haven't had to take any insulin since Sunday night. I have to be diligent about doing my blood sugars to make sure that I don't need it anymore.

Well. Liquid Hydrocodone seems to hit quickly. I had better go lie down again. Pictures will come soon, I promise!

The Year of Losing Weight, July 5, 2010

The day is finally here. Surgery day. We have to be at the hospital at 10:00 a.m. -- three hours from now. All I have to do is shower with antibacterial soap, pack my c-pap machine, some underwear and a book or two. That's all I need for the hospital. I'm already thirsty--I'm always thirsty, thanks to the diabetes. Paul has a pot of coffee on and it smells really good this morning. My stomach is in knots, so I don't care that I can't eat anything.

This morning, I weigh less that I have when I've been on a scale in years. I'm right at 250 lbs. That's amazing, since I've been saying goodbye to so many of my old food friends. Last night for supper, we had cheesecake. That's all. Just cheesecake. Then we went to watch the fireworks at Aliante Station. They were really good this year, although the show was shorter than I remember. 15 minutes.

So, now I'm ready to go and have to kill some time. Wish me luck and let's get this party started!

The Year of Losing Weight, July 4, 2010

Well. The night before surgery. I have mixed feelings going into this. I know it is right and I need to do this. I am not worried about the surgery or the recovery. It is the withdrawls from eating that I fear most. For the next 2 days I can have nothing but clear liquids. For at least 2 weeks after that, only "thick liquids", which are the shakes and anything I could drink through a straw--only I cannot use a straw. A straw would add gas into my stomach and stretch it and make me uncomfortable.

Rylea took pictures of me to put on the blog, but she didn't load them onto the computer, so it will be a couple of days before I can attach them to this blog. Sorry. My plan is to post pictures every weekend, either on Saturday or Sunday so that we can all watch the changes.

The good news is that I am about to give myself my last shots. They will take me off of the insulin tomorrow and I won't have to deal with that anymore. Hooray.

Happy Independence Day to all. I'll write as soon as I can when I get home on Tuesday.

The Year of Losing Weight--June 30, 2010

Today was the pre-op seminar. It was very much like the seminar Paul and I went to in January. Brian explained exactly what would happen during surgery from the time we walked into the hospital to the time we left. There were four of us in the session, three for the gastric bypass and one for the new "sleeve" surgery. I will be taken off of my insulin before I leave the hospital, and probably off of the metformin soon after. Hooray!!! After the discussion, the nutritionist came in and talked to us for awhile about how we will have to eat and what to have on hand. She, herself, had surgery almost three years ago. She looked great! If I remember right, she said that she had lost 160 pounds. Wow! Before I left, I purchased some "protein shots" and an electronic pocket scale to weigh my food properly. They told us that the cheap ones at Wal-mart are not accurate enough. This one is small enough that I can take it with me to restaurants or wherever I go eat and weigh my food. We were admonished to never "eyeball" the amount of food, because we would be wrong every time. I guess our eyes are bigger than our stomachs!

Right now, I am feeling a little apprehensive about the whole thing. I have seen several trim people in the office, but mostly people as big as I am or bigger. I have seen a couple that have admitted that they were a year or two out. They didn't look very successful, although I don't know where their journey began. I am afraid to become one of those people who have the procedure done, lose the weight, only to gain back that and more. At that point, where is the hope? Isn't this the most you can do to help yourself? Going through all of this and gaining this weight back someday is my biggest fear.

I look at this opportunity as resetting my eating habits. I must keep in mind that eating incorrectly is a habit that I cannot let myself fall back into. This is where my need to follow the rules to the letter will help me with my goal. BTW--my goal is 120 lbs. down.

I am reminding myself that I am strong enough to do this. Whether my family and friends rally around me and help me, or go on with their busy lives and leave me to do this alone, I am strong enough to do this. I want this so very much. I cannot stand to look at myself in pictures or in the mirror. I hurt from stem to stern from having to drag around this weight. I struggle with diabetes, foot problems, and the beginnings of leg problems. I am also depressed much of the time, because I look bad and I feel bad.

I will be having Ry take pictures of me before I have the surgery, and through the rest of the process to chart my progress on this blog. I have 4 days until surgery. I have to be at the hospital at 10 a.m. on Monday, July 5--6 days before my 54th birthday. Happy birthday to me!

June 30, 2010---255.6 lb. (I've said good-bye to A LOT of old friends this week!)

The Year of Losing Weight

The closer it gets to surgery, the more anxious I get. Everyone around me is very positive. Why don't I feel so positive? Maybe because I LOVE to eat. That must change drastically in the next couple of weeks. Sadly, the harder I try to diet, the more I eat. So, my reaction today was to make an amazing dessert that people bring to potlucks at work. It's called "The Bomb". At least I made it with sugar free pudding and light "Cool Whip". There's no getting around the sugar in the cake and the Heath Bars, though. Bad for a person who is trying to lose weight, and especially bad for a diabetic.

Once I have the surgery, they tell me, my body will no longer tolerate sugar. I will go into "dumping" mode. Doesn't sound so pleasant, and I have it on good authority from my brother that it's just as bad as it sounds. You either spend the next while in the bathroom hugging the toilet, or sitting on it. I haven't been too worried about it, because I have been avoiding sugar for the last 8 years since I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. I wasn't totally aware of the number of times a week I cheat on myself. Along with this blog, I am keeping a food journal. I did o.k. today, aside from "The Bomb".

I got on the scale this morning and it said I was down to 250.3 lbs. That's the lowest number I've seen on a scale since we moved to Vegas, 5 years ago, at least. If I remember right, I was that much when we moved to Reno in 2002.

I thought of another reason that my weight has ballooned. My dad died in 1997 after a 14 month fight with lung cancer. Father's day is tomorrow. I really miss him. After all of these years I still have a hard time wrapping my brain around the fact that the world didn't end when his life did. I cannot imagine him not being on this planet. 13 years later I still can't think of him without brimming over with tears. Here they are now. Happy Father's Day, dad. I know you're out there...

June 19, 2010 250.3 lbs.

The Year of Losing Weight

Hello! I am a skinny person wrapped in about 125 pounds of fat. I've been dragging this weight around for about 14 years, now. There are several reasons that I have gained this weight, both within my control and not within my control. It started when I had a hysterectomy in June of 1996. I'd been struggling with a few pounds here and there since I was a teenager, but I was always a skinny kid and I wasn't bad until the surgery. I've been taking medications for years that also have a tendency toward putting weight on. I am Type 2 diabetic. I have to give myself two shots every night. And, of course, there is the stress eating. I eat when I am worried, upset or nervous. I also eat when I'm happy. You see, food is comfort to me. Unfortunately, comfort does not equal health. I will die early if I don't do something.

I am now facing gastric bypass surgery on July 5th and would like to write about it for anyone who is interested. It is a journey that I have been researching and preparing for, for about 6 years. I have watched my brother and my sister-in-law go through it. It is just that--a journey. I will have to journey through the rest of my life without the comfort that I have always gotten from food.

Today is June 17, 2010 and I weigh 254.8 lbs.